Kids, Social Media, and FOMO: A Game of Chutes and Ladders for Parents

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There’s an acronym for parents to be familiar with, and it’s FOMO. As if LMK, LOL, SMH and ICYMI weren’t brainteasers to begin with.

If you’ve ever had a crush and dropped that person a line, then wondered if they got your message, worried they wouldn’t call you back or waited for what seemed like an eternity (15 minutes) before you heard back, then you have a sense of the phenomenon that’s happening among many kids who use social media. Only it’s magnified and isn’t about crushes. It has many tangents related to self confidence, social acceptance, body image and more. At an impressionable time, mind you, in a mind that’s going through changing emotions and rapid maturation.

It’s called Fear Of Missing Out.

We used to live our life in the moment and share it when we caught up with our family and friends. Now, we share it as it happens on SnapChat, YouTube, WeChat, Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. The living, then sharing sequence is starting to shift as people mull over the perfect post to get likes, the right words for an update to attract comments, and instead of living in the moment, we are creating moments to live -- for social media.

A dad of a 7th grader recently described it perfectly when he was talking about his experiences as a parent in a more digital world.

“As I watch my daughter use digital media, it reminds me of the old days with IM and ICQ. We could message someone or many people at once and anxiously await their response. Today, I watch in amazement as it really is the same feeling for our kids when they use social media, but through a different medium with more myopic expectations.”

Seems harmless, right? But if you’re a parent who has ever witnessed the signs or had chats with your kids about things you never imagined they would worry about, then you’re wiser to know better.

The Australian Psychological Society’s annual Stress and Wellbeing Survey reports that social media usage is tied to depression and anxiety in teens. That’s not to panic you or set off red alert signals in parents, but knowledge is power, which is valuable in being an informed parent. It’s a reality check to understand that times are different now than when we were kids - even for those of us who grew up with the Internet, Instant Messenger and email. So it’s important that amidst our busy lives we stay tuned in to what our kids say and interpret what may be between the lines of their moods, their days in the dumps or the times on cloud nine.

The report states that FOMO is more common among heavy users of social media, and that one in two of the teenagers ages 13-17 included in the study said they felt the fear of missing out on their friends' inside jokes and events, as well as the chance to show on social media that they're having fun. Social media usage also makes teens feel like their experiences aren’t as great as their friends, and that they’re missing out on something when they see a post they weren’t a part of -- even if they were quite happy doing whatever they were doing when it took place.

The fear of missing out is something that every parent with a child who uses social media should know about and be ready to help their teen through.

That dad in Michigan who’s learning as he goes as a digital parent said that from his perspective, the mind of kids today goes something like this:

1. I like my smile! → I’ll take a selfie.
2. This is a good one! → I’ll post it! (WeChat, ShapChat, FB, Instagram...))
3. Did anyone like it? → How many likes did I get?
4. Is anyone commenting? → What are they saying?
5. I just checked 15 seconds ago. I guess I’ll wait 5 more seconds before I check again.
6. If I tag them, will they tag me back?
7. Should I ask for a tag?
8. Did one of my friends/followers have a friend who saw it?
9. Did that friend of a friend ask to follow me?
10. How many followers do I have?
11. How many likes do I have?
12. How many people tagged me today?
13. Oh no!!! No one has tagged, liked, shared a photo or commented about me in a while…*sad face emoji*
14. Where is everyone?
15. I guess I'll have to go back to step one to make sure they don't forget about me...

Sound familiar!? The activity is amazing and captivating. As a parent, it makes you think of the good and the bad your child might be experiencing. It might even be a bit relatable to some of your experiences on social media, too.

Confidence and self-esteem are critical to nurture in our kids, but has become more complicated and much like a game of Chutes and Ladders for parents as our kids grow up in a digital world with more influences, less face to face communication, and more opportunity for self discovery. It gives us days as parents we feel like we’ve advanced, and days we’ve unexpectedly slid backwards as we try to teach our children values and how to filter what should matter and what shouldn’t.

“Confidence and self-esteem are critical to nurture in our kids, but has become more complicated and much like a game of Chutes and Ladders for parents as our kids grow up in a digital world with more influences, less face to face communication, and more opportunity for self discovery.”

We may not understand it all, the emotion, the reaction or the why. We might even have a #WhatJustHappened moment. But FOMO is real, and our role as listening and observant parents becomes that much more important for the teenagers in our lives. We can help lessen or eliminate their FOMO and be more able as parents to recognize the source of any changes in attitude, behavior or moods by trying these things:

• Leading by example and empowering our teenagers and pre-teens to be comfortable having conversations about what’s going on in their day and how they feel
• Managing how much a time teenagers spend looking at a screen and the time of day they’re on social media
• Keeping a pulse on their activity with apps like DijiWise or sharing login and password information for periodic check-ins on social media activity.

The fun of social media has created new pressures teenagers often put on themselves. They’re talking to themselves as much in their minds as they are tapping on their screens. Our new responsibility as parents is to help our kids see that social media isn’t a game or a popularity contest, and that their true identity -- who they are -- outweighs their perceived digital identity created by likes, favorites and followers. The journey from start to finish as a digital parent isn’t easy, but just remember each day is your move, and if you or your teen land on a chute, grab the spinner and spin again.

Gifting Tech: Setting Your Teen Up For Success

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Giving the gift of tech for the holidays? Smartphones, tablets and connected gaming devices are popular gifts to give for Christmas and Hanukkah, not to mention a favorite to receive among teenagers and pre-teens. With such gifts that connect our kids around the clock to the digital world comes a whole new world of expression and experiences — and the opportunity for parents to have a conversation together with children about digital responsibility.

To keep that excitement and joy going months after they unwrapped their present, here are some real-world stories moms and dads shared with us to help you when you have “the talk.”

“I have a 12-year-old with both a cellphone and an iPad mini, and both are used for school. We put down the ground rules before we got each device, and have many rules in place. He doesn’t like to talk on the phone, and uses messaging more often. The first 6 months, all of his messages also went to my iPad. He isn’t allowed to delete any messages, and also knows that at anytime I can ask him for his phone and iPad over to view his messages. We don’t allow him to use his tablet or phone to view YouTube on the bus, and all devices go off at 9pm at and are plugged in for the night. We have the understanding that he’ll lose both if any of his activity is deemed inappropriate.”

“When we got our daughter a cell phone, we put parental restrictions on the device. She also knows that we monitor her use of the phone, both her contacts and texting. She really does great with it.”

“I didn’t see a reason for my children to have cell phones before high school, so they received them as a gift for their 8th grade graduation and we talked ahead of time about the fact that they would be receiving them.”

“Giving our kids a phone gave us peace of mind about their safety and being able to get in touch with them, and it also excited them and made them feel more responsible. We chatted with them about the financial aspect of it so that they knew it cost money each month, and that it is a privilege to have. In the beginning we had the passwords to access their device but we don’t access it in private, instead we say, “hey, show me this.” I didn’t want their phone or tablet to be a sticky subject for us constantly, and stressed that if it did, they would be taken away. So to prevent it, we keep an eye on the apps they're using and sites they’re visiting, and try to just talk to them about how their day is everyday. They use their phones and iPads for a lot of things and so far, so good.”

“My biggest concern when adding new tech to our home is the amount of time spent on it. We make sure there is a balance between tech and non-tech activities available to our kids and help them self-regulate so we don’t have to police them. Too much time in front of a screen can turn anyone’s brain to mush. Simple things like getting outside for fresh air, reading a good book, or playing a board game can give anyone an invigorating boost.”

Other ways parents keep tech gifts friendly at home include having the child sign a digital contract agreeing to rules and responsibilities, or limiting how long or when a child can use the device. There are also apps that help parents enable parental restrictions or monitor their kids’ activities, such as DijiWise, which makes monitoring social media activity on social networks such as Facebook, Instagram and Twitter, easy for parents.

Giving smartphones and tablets as presents is exciting for both the giver and the receiver. Encouraging digital responsibility at an early age will keep the joy of your gift going for many months and years to come.

Fun & Easy Tech Gifts For All Ages

Whether it’s basic or hi-tech, technology is just plain cool. It makes our everyday lives easier and adds new dimensions to fun and entertainment. Hi-tech doesn’t mean impossible to figure out, either, which makes tech a great gift for nearly anyone.

Here are some of our favorite tech gifts for home, for play, and for the kitchen, to help you complete your holiday shopping and give the gift of unexpected, awesome new experiences.

GoPro

Whether it’s the GoPro Hero+ or another GoPro model, both kids and adults will quickly become addicted to the different view of the world you get with this mountable camera you can wear. Its compact size, video quality, LCD screen and features won’t let you down, especially the waterproof models. From a simpler model to the Pro versions, there’s a GoPro suited for everyone on your list.

BB-8 Droid by Sphere

May the force be with you this holiday season with the Star Wars-inspired, app-enabled BB-8 Droid. BB-8 is a toy, but one that’s pretty fun for all ages. This robot is controlled by your smartphone or tablet, and has an “adaptive personality” that changes the more you use it. For that innovation and feature alone, it’s a gift worth giving and having roam the floors of your house.

Nest

Nest is a company that makes programmable, important products for your home. Currently their line includes thermostats, smoke detectors, and cameras. Imagine having a futuristic "smart home" today. Nest, which was quickly bought by Google, makes having a smart home affordable, and their innovation and product line will only grow from here.

Smoking Gun Handheld Food Smoker

The Smoking Gun is a compact smoker for your kitchen that infuses a smoky flavor into your food, opening the possibilities beyond meat to everyone. This could be big for BBQ fans who want their fix without having to wait for the grill or smoker to heat up. Hickory? Apple? We haven’t tested this yet, but the idea of it is making us hungry enough to give it a try.

Olloclip 4-in-1 Lens for iPhone 6

Camera quality by smartphone manufacturers is debatable and subjective, but one thing’s for sure - it’s easier than ever before to capture professional-quality photos with our phones. The Olloclip 4-in-1 lens is lightweight, stable, and enhances the field of view of the iPhone camera which is a game changer when taking selfies, scenic and group shots. Teenagers will especially like this because its lenses are easy to change out, it integrates well with other apps, and works with both the front-facing and rear-facing cameras on the iPhone 6 series.

Polaroid Pic-300 Instant Film Camera

Polaroid has dusted off its cameras and is en vogue among kids, teens, college students and adults with its Polaroid Pic-300 camera. The Pic-300 gives you instant fun with its instant photographs. You can now pass these unforgettable photos from your childhood down to our kids, complete with plain or decorative borders. (Discover more options with Fujifilm’s Instax Mini Film, which is compatible with the Pic-300.) Polaroid’s camera also comes in fun colors. You pay a price for immediate and fun, however. The good news is it doesn’t drain batteries quickly, but the film for the Pic-300 is not cheap. Photo paper equates to about $2 per photo on average, however you can find a good price break when you buy bulk-packs like these on Amazon.