5 Ways Monitoring Your Kids' Social Media Activity Helps At Home

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If you’ve ever been at the crossroads of wanting to let your kids spread their wings and wanting to stay in the know and watch out for their best interests - especially with online and social media activity - you’re not alone. Teenagers want more freedom and privacy, and overall, we want them to have their independence. (We were kids once, and sometimes we forget that in our parenting moments!) Online activity and social media usage, however, make what one might mean by “privacy” a different beast and a bit more complicated.

If you or your teen are stuck at the crossroads of accepting that giving you access to view their social media activity is okay, then here are five things to consider on how monitoring social media activity can help at home:

It builds trust and respect - in each other

When you and your child establish that you can view their social media and come to an understanding of the expectations, your child sees that you trust them. It makes it easier for them to be themselves while using social and digital media responsibly. As a parent, it helps remove the guessing game and wonder as you observe their interactions, and your trust in their choices and behaviors will continue to grow.

Less stress for both of you

Having access to technology and the privilege of using social media comes with responsibility, which makes understanding digital responsibility important for teens and adults. Being on the same page will mean less stress for both of you. If your child knows mom or dad are watching their social media usage, they’ll be more apt to think twice about what they are posting, which will help keep their social profiles clean. And if any activity sways from the ground rules you’ve established, they’ll learn through conversations or consequences the valuable lesson of accountability.

It strengthens your relationship when you interact with each other on social

Social media is how today’s youth keep in touch with people - and not just friends. It’s another way kids interact with their parents, cousins, aunts, uncles, and even grandparents. With busy school and work schedules, happy birthday posts, #TBTs, videos, shout outs of appreciation, and tagging funny shares that remind you of each other or that you think each other would like to see are great things that keep relationships strong.

Both of you are more at ease with your child’s circle of friends

Next time your child has friends over or are going out with people, you’ll be more familiar with who is coming into your home and have a stronger sense of the people they hang out with. Since you’ll be familiar with their friends through social media, your child might feel more comfortable mentioning conversations, arguments or situations going on with their friends that you might otherwise not know about.

Creates a safe environment for your child - online and at home

When you’re in touch with their online activity and have a foundation of trust established, you can step in when you see red flags or determine whether your child is truly interacting with someone they know.Your child will know you have their back and are there for them when something goes wrong.

Kids, Social Media, and FOMO: A Game of Chutes and Ladders for Parents

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There’s an acronym for parents to be familiar with, and it’s FOMO. As if LMK, LOL, SMH and ICYMI weren’t brainteasers to begin with.

If you’ve ever had a crush and dropped that person a line, then wondered if they got your message, worried they wouldn’t call you back or waited for what seemed like an eternity (15 minutes) before you heard back, then you have a sense of the phenomenon that’s happening among many kids who use social media. Only it’s magnified and isn’t about crushes. It has many tangents related to self confidence, social acceptance, body image and more. At an impressionable time, mind you, in a mind that’s going through changing emotions and rapid maturation.

It’s called Fear Of Missing Out.

We used to live our life in the moment and share it when we caught up with our family and friends. Now, we share it as it happens on SnapChat, YouTube, WeChat, Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. The living, then sharing sequence is starting to shift as people mull over the perfect post to get likes, the right words for an update to attract comments, and instead of living in the moment, we are creating moments to live -- for social media.

A dad of a 7th grader recently described it perfectly when he was talking about his experiences as a parent in a more digital world.

“As I watch my daughter use digital media, it reminds me of the old days with IM and ICQ. We could message someone or many people at once and anxiously await their response. Today, I watch in amazement as it really is the same feeling for our kids when they use social media, but through a different medium with more myopic expectations.”

Seems harmless, right? But if you’re a parent who has ever witnessed the signs or had chats with your kids about things you never imagined they would worry about, then you’re wiser to know better.

The Australian Psychological Society’s annual Stress and Wellbeing Survey reports that social media usage is tied to depression and anxiety in teens. That’s not to panic you or set off red alert signals in parents, but knowledge is power, which is valuable in being an informed parent. It’s a reality check to understand that times are different now than when we were kids - even for those of us who grew up with the Internet, Instant Messenger and email. So it’s important that amidst our busy lives we stay tuned in to what our kids say and interpret what may be between the lines of their moods, their days in the dumps or the times on cloud nine.

The report states that FOMO is more common among heavy users of social media, and that one in two of the teenagers ages 13-17 included in the study said they felt the fear of missing out on their friends' inside jokes and events, as well as the chance to show on social media that they're having fun. Social media usage also makes teens feel like their experiences aren’t as great as their friends, and that they’re missing out on something when they see a post they weren’t a part of -- even if they were quite happy doing whatever they were doing when it took place.

The fear of missing out is something that every parent with a child who uses social media should know about and be ready to help their teen through.

That dad in Michigan who’s learning as he goes as a digital parent said that from his perspective, the mind of kids today goes something like this:

1. I like my smile! → I’ll take a selfie.
2. This is a good one! → I’ll post it! (WeChat, ShapChat, FB, Instagram...))
3. Did anyone like it? → How many likes did I get?
4. Is anyone commenting? → What are they saying?
5. I just checked 15 seconds ago. I guess I’ll wait 5 more seconds before I check again.
6. If I tag them, will they tag me back?
7. Should I ask for a tag?
8. Did one of my friends/followers have a friend who saw it?
9. Did that friend of a friend ask to follow me?
10. How many followers do I have?
11. How many likes do I have?
12. How many people tagged me today?
13. Oh no!!! No one has tagged, liked, shared a photo or commented about me in a while…*sad face emoji*
14. Where is everyone?
15. I guess I'll have to go back to step one to make sure they don't forget about me...

Sound familiar!? The activity is amazing and captivating. As a parent, it makes you think of the good and the bad your child might be experiencing. It might even be a bit relatable to some of your experiences on social media, too.

Confidence and self-esteem are critical to nurture in our kids, but has become more complicated and much like a game of Chutes and Ladders for parents as our kids grow up in a digital world with more influences, less face to face communication, and more opportunity for self discovery. It gives us days as parents we feel like we’ve advanced, and days we’ve unexpectedly slid backwards as we try to teach our children values and how to filter what should matter and what shouldn’t.

“Confidence and self-esteem are critical to nurture in our kids, but has become more complicated and much like a game of Chutes and Ladders for parents as our kids grow up in a digital world with more influences, less face to face communication, and more opportunity for self discovery.”

We may not understand it all, the emotion, the reaction or the why. We might even have a #WhatJustHappened moment. But FOMO is real, and our role as listening and observant parents becomes that much more important for the teenagers in our lives. We can help lessen or eliminate their FOMO and be more able as parents to recognize the source of any changes in attitude, behavior or moods by trying these things:

• Leading by example and empowering our teenagers and pre-teens to be comfortable having conversations about what’s going on in their day and how they feel
• Managing how much a time teenagers spend looking at a screen and the time of day they’re on social media
• Keeping a pulse on their activity with apps like DijiWise or sharing login and password information for periodic check-ins on social media activity.

The fun of social media has created new pressures teenagers often put on themselves. They’re talking to themselves as much in their minds as they are tapping on their screens. Our new responsibility as parents is to help our kids see that social media isn’t a game or a popularity contest, and that their true identity -- who they are -- outweighs their perceived digital identity created by likes, favorites and followers. The journey from start to finish as a digital parent isn’t easy, but just remember each day is your move, and if you or your teen land on a chute, grab the spinner and spin again.

New Year’s Resolution Series: What Kind of Digital Parent Do You Want To Be?

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by Stacy Kania

With the start of a new year, many people take the time to reflect, make changes and set goals for themselves. For parents, it may mean examining how you approach being a “digital parent,” or parenting in the digital age.

When it comes to kids and technology, are you hands-on, hands-off, or somewhere in between? What is your recipe for success?

In the article “Parents: Reject Technology Shaming,” published in The Atlantic, author Alexandra Samuel references three types of digital parenting styles identified through survey data collected from 10,000 parents in North America.

Digital Enablers - Parents who give their kids carte blanche in terms of tech consumption. They give their kids complete freedom with technology.

Digital Limiters - Parents who impose strict boundaries on tech consumption and always have their hand near the off switch.

Digital Mentors - Parents who take an active role in guiding their child through the world of technology. They realize that tech isn’t going away, and if they don’t provide the necessary navigation, they aren’t preparing their child for the future.

Samuel’s perspective is that the recipe for success is to be a Digital Mentor to your children.

“This is an approach to digital-age parenting that can actually sustain a family long-term, from the time baby first lays her hands on a touchscreen all the way until she heads off for college.”

— Alexandra Samuel

How can we as parents, who didn’t grow up with this magnitude of technology, MENTOR our kids?

Keep the conversations….conversational

In a recent discussion with my own teen, we had a frank talk about sexting and why kids do it -  even though parents, teachers and even the authorities warn them about the long-term repercussions and dangers. His response was “because they don’t care.” This led to a conversation together about morals and values. The overall consensus was that teens, in general, l hear the same “don’t” message over and over again, to the point that they tune it right out. It reminded me of the Peanut’s gang teacher “lecturing” in the classroom and all we heard was “wah, wah, wah, waah, waaah.”

A good conversation is the right combination of allowing each person to speak, and more importantly, for the non-speakers to listen.  

From the discussion together with my son, I learned a lot about what is going on in my child’s world just by taking the time to hear what he had to say. I didn’t lecture or judge, I just listened. What that said to my son was, “I think what you have to say is important,” and “You can trust me.”
 

Demonstrate empathy

When you’re having a conversation with your teen, don’t hesitate to ask questions. “How does this make you feel?” or “Why do you think people don’t care about sharing these types of photos?” By asking simple questions like these, it conjures up an emotional reaction that can lead to a meaningful discussion and help you as a parent - and digital parent - to better understand what teens face today.
 

Be “In The Know”

Research technology on your own to familiarize yourself with the digital landscape for teens. Ask your child questions about what apps are hot, what games are popular, and where they spend their time online. Take a vested interest in what they do, how they experience, what they feel, and what they think.  

Bookmark your favorite sites for up-to-date references on the latest digital trends. Sites such as commonsensemedia.org and fosi.org are great resources and are organized by age and category so they are extremely user friendly.
 

Don’t just be a spectator - Get into the game

Engage with your child using technology. Don’t ignore it; ask how it works. Learning about the world of Minecraft, for example, brought me back to feeling the curiosity of a child. Understanding the excitement and element of surprise of getting a new Snapchat reminds me of receiving a note passed in class. Knowing a bit more about what our children enjoy spending hours doing allows us to be a part of their technology world instead of sitting on the sidelines. Plus, knowing that we’re actively observing their online behavior may motivate them to make better choices.

“We can’t prepare our kids for the world they will inhabit as adults by dragging them back to the world we lived in as kids. It’s not our job as parents to put away the phones. It’s our job to take out the phones, and teach our kids how to use them.”

— The Atlantic, “Parents: Reject Technology Shame”

Finding the right concoction of conversation, understanding, engaging, and most importantly, listening will help each of us find our own recipe to success in the world of digital parenting.

Gifting Tech: Setting Your Teen Up For Success

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Giving the gift of tech for the holidays? Smartphones, tablets and connected gaming devices are popular gifts to give for Christmas and Hanukkah, not to mention a favorite to receive among teenagers and pre-teens. With such gifts that connect our kids around the clock to the digital world comes a whole new world of expression and experiences — and the opportunity for parents to have a conversation together with children about digital responsibility.

To keep that excitement and joy going months after they unwrapped their present, here are some real-world stories moms and dads shared with us to help you when you have “the talk.”

“I have a 12-year-old with both a cellphone and an iPad mini, and both are used for school. We put down the ground rules before we got each device, and have many rules in place. He doesn’t like to talk on the phone, and uses messaging more often. The first 6 months, all of his messages also went to my iPad. He isn’t allowed to delete any messages, and also knows that at anytime I can ask him for his phone and iPad over to view his messages. We don’t allow him to use his tablet or phone to view YouTube on the bus, and all devices go off at 9pm at and are plugged in for the night. We have the understanding that he’ll lose both if any of his activity is deemed inappropriate.”

“When we got our daughter a cell phone, we put parental restrictions on the device. She also knows that we monitor her use of the phone, both her contacts and texting. She really does great with it.”

“I didn’t see a reason for my children to have cell phones before high school, so they received them as a gift for their 8th grade graduation and we talked ahead of time about the fact that they would be receiving them.”

“Giving our kids a phone gave us peace of mind about their safety and being able to get in touch with them, and it also excited them and made them feel more responsible. We chatted with them about the financial aspect of it so that they knew it cost money each month, and that it is a privilege to have. In the beginning we had the passwords to access their device but we don’t access it in private, instead we say, “hey, show me this.” I didn’t want their phone or tablet to be a sticky subject for us constantly, and stressed that if it did, they would be taken away. So to prevent it, we keep an eye on the apps they're using and sites they’re visiting, and try to just talk to them about how their day is everyday. They use their phones and iPads for a lot of things and so far, so good.”

“My biggest concern when adding new tech to our home is the amount of time spent on it. We make sure there is a balance between tech and non-tech activities available to our kids and help them self-regulate so we don’t have to police them. Too much time in front of a screen can turn anyone’s brain to mush. Simple things like getting outside for fresh air, reading a good book, or playing a board game can give anyone an invigorating boost.”

Other ways parents keep tech gifts friendly at home include having the child sign a digital contract agreeing to rules and responsibilities, or limiting how long or when a child can use the device. There are also apps that help parents enable parental restrictions or monitor their kids’ activities, such as DijiWise, which makes monitoring social media activity on social networks such as Facebook, Instagram and Twitter, easy for parents.

Giving smartphones and tablets as presents is exciting for both the giver and the receiver. Encouraging digital responsibility at an early age will keep the joy of your gift going for many months and years to come.

Enjoy the Holidays Unplugged: Fun Activities with Family and Friends

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With the holiday season in full swing, it’s easy to get overwhelmed by the hustle and bustle of crowded shopping malls, long lines, online shopping, gift wrapping, holiday parties, and scrolling through fun updates on friends’ feeds. Don’t forget to take time as the year wraps up to step back with your family and friends and spend some memorable moments together. Here are some ideas from Team DijiWise and our families for unplugging from tech and spending quality time together.

From Stacy, DijiWise Development

Visit a senior care center

“My daughter’s favorite memories of spending time together unplugged are our annual visits to local senior care facilities. Over the last several years we have gone to various locations with different groups of friends and families. Armed with care packages, poinsettias, and hearts filled with giving spirit, we sing carols and visit with the residents. The smiles and gratitude that we receive are so rewarding. This is a great way to give back to your local community and bring the holiday spirit to those who need it.”  To arrange, give your local senior center a call, ask for their wish list and schedule the best time to visit.

Adopt a family

In every community, there are families that have fallen on hard times or are having difficulties making ends meet.  What better way to unplug and give back than to adopt a family in need. “One year, we contacted a local church that had a list of several families that could use some holiday spirit. The family that we chose had a very simple wish list of winter gear to keep them warm and just a few toys for each child to make their season bright. Seeing the faces and meeting the children that received our package was a great memory for our family.” Contact your local church or shelter today to see how you can help.

From Cindy, DijiWise PR

Have a hot chocolate party

Spend an afternoon as a family creating and trying different hot chocolate flavors. “It’s a little out of the ordinary, but is a fun and tasty thing to do. My kids enjoy it and it’s especially fun to do with a few relatives or friends.” It’s a great theme for hosting a small gathering, too. Have everyone bring a different type of hot chocolate - purchased or “invented” - for sharing.

Discover a local event or festival

Check calendars near where you live for festive events or displays you go can go to together that only happen this time of year. “We try to find something new each year, and even look beyond our city but within reasonable driving distance. It breaks up our daily routine, and by doing this, we’ve even found a historical Christmas festival with Santas from around the world that we now look forward to each year.

Get together one-on-one or as a small group

Sprinkle small meetups throughout the holidays and enjoy special quality time, attention, conversations and fun you might not get when you're all together as a big group. “I come from a large family and this is something my brother started doing this time of year with family and friends. The time together with just our families was so enjoyable and special, that I’ve followed suit and make an effort now to have one-on-one time with people during the holidays.” It can be an afternoon date alone with your child, the two of you getting together with an uncle or cousins you don't see often, or inviting your child’s friend to come along. Grab a bite to eat, relax at home together or check out a holiday display. These small get togethers will fill your heart and become one of your favorite traditions to this time of year.

From Diana, DijiWise Marketing

Host a winter potluck

Have a fun, low-stress potluck party where everyone brings a dish to share. “I love getting together with friends and trying our different homemade dishes. A lot of family recipes get made, from potstickers to double chocolate cookies, so it’s really neat learning about and getting a taste of everyone’s backgrounds.” Have the kids help you with the cooking and they’ll feel accomplished when everyone’s raving about the dish.   

Take a walk and enjoy the holiday cheer

Bundle up and head outside to enjoy the fresh air and holiday lights! From your neighborhood to the town center, holiday decorations are popping up so go ahead and take a family stroll at dusk. “I’m an outdoorsy person, so when the cold weather rolls in, I try not to forget that there’s a whole world outside of my window! Walking around the neighborhood in the winter is such a treat with lights twinkling on rooftops and inside homes. It’s great quality time, either by myself or with family, and I always feel rejuvenated.”

Other ideas for special time with family and friends during the holidays:

Painting class

Spend family time learning a new skill. This is a popular new trend and fun to do together, regardless of your talents! Many local painting studios have special sessions during the holiday season with families in mind. Classes are designed for novice painters and taught in a simple step-by-step manner so that everyone can become an artist and create some beautiful work. Even better, give your finished art as a gift, contribute it to a local business or and deliver it to a local senior center to brighten up their common area and resident’s rooms.

Local theater

Check out your community newspaper for musicals, plays and family concerts in the area, especially if this isn't something you already do together. Many groups do free shows during the holidays which makes this an affordable activity for all to enjoy.

It’s not about the presents or the parties (or capturing every moment with a selfie). It’s about the season of giving and making memories with your family that will last a lifetime.

Happy Holiday’s from our family to yours.