Parenting in the Digital Age: Practicing Mindfulness

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I recently attended a leadership seminar through my local school district where we had the opportunity to learn about a new initiative in our schools of incorporating “mindfulness” into our educational system.  Realizing I already practice “mindfulness” techniques in my own life, I was very excited to learn how practicing this theory can be life-changing for our children, teachers, administration and our community.

One of the leading reasons for bringing this practice into our school community is to help manage stress. It really got me thinking.

How did we as a society get so stressed out?!  

Why is suicide the leading cause of death amongst teens?

Why are so many teens and adults on anti-anxiety medication?

What is so different about growing up today compared to my youth?

The first “difference” that came to mind was social media and digital technology.

How can we apply the practice of mindfulness to ease the additional anxiety and stress that is caused by social media and everyday living in the Digital Age?

What is Mindfulness?

“Mindfulness means maintaining a moment-by-moment awareness of our thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and surrounding environment.

Mindfulness also involves acceptance, meaning that we pay attention to our thoughts and feelings without judging them—without believing, for instance, that there’s a “right” or “wrong” way to think or feel in a given moment. When we practice mindfulness, our thoughts tune into what we’re sensing in the present moment rather than rehashing the past or imagining the future.”

Excerpt from http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/mindfulness/definition

What are some examples of Mindfulness practice?

Yoga, meditation, writing, listening to music, going outside, gardening walking… any activity that helps you achieve body-mind balance and bring calm and peace for even a short period of time during the day.

Why do we need this?

Teens/tweens are naturally wired for self-consciousness. What is so different from when I grew up, is that the comparison, competition, self-doubt, etc., stopped when we walked in the front door after a day at school. We were able to “turn-off” and “tune-out” social pressures because we didn’t have the technology to keep these channels “turned-on” 24/7.  Today, socializing, especially through social media, IS 24/7.

“Socializing and social comparison begins first thing in the morning and ends last thing at night. Predictably, psychology research consistently shows that social media is making kids unhappier and more narcissistic.” --(“Before you scroll, try this..”by Christopher Willard)

Benefits of Mindfulness

An article on the website “Greater Good, The Science of a Meaningful Life” identifies why practicing mindfulness has such great benefits.

• Mindfulness is good for our bodies: A seminal study found that, after just eight weeks of training, practicing mindfulness meditation boosts our immune system’s ability to fight off illness.

• Mindfulness is good for our minds: Several studies have found that mindfulness increases positive emotions while reducing negative emotions and stress. Indeed, at least one study suggests it may be as good as antidepressants in fighting depression and preventing relapse.

• Mindfulness changes our brains: Research has found that it increases density of gray matter in brain regions linked to learning, memory, emotion regulation, and empathy.

• Mindfulness helps us focus: Studies suggest that mindfulness helps us tune out distractions and improves our memory and attention skills.

• Mindfulness fosters compassion and altruism: Research suggests mindfulness training makes us more likely to help someone in need and increases activity in neural networks involved in understanding the suffering of others and regulating emotions. Evidence suggests it might boost self-compassion as well.

• Mindfulness enhances relationships: Research suggests mindfulness training makes couples more satisfied with their relationship, makes each partner feel more optimistic and relaxed, and makes them feel more accepting of and closer to one another.

• Mindfulness helps schools: There’s scientific evidence that teaching mindfulness in the classroom reduces behavior problems and aggression among students, and improves their happiness levels and ability to pay attention. Teachers trained in mindfulness also show lower blood pressure, less negative emotion and symptoms of depression, and greater compassion and empathy.

Practicing Mindfulness- tools for teens and families

If we as a society want to help manage stress and anxiety, reduce teen suicide, help kids cope, and just overall be more healthy and productive citizens… we need to guide them (and ourselves) to useful tools and techniques.

Activities for families:

• Breathing Exercises — Can be beneficial any time of day. Try it before the kids go to school or on the way to work. It’s a much better way to start the day than in a stressful state. Take 3–5 minutes to just breathe in through the nose and then let out a big exhale. Repeat.

• Mindful Appreciation — Make it a goal each day to write down 5 things we are thankful for. Have a blank dry erase board or chalkboard available and start each day by writing down one thing. Have your family add more throughout the day.  

• Yoga — Enroll in a yoga class with your kids, or practice on your own in the park or in a quiet corner of the house.

• Walking — A quiet walk in nature is good for the mind and the body. No need to talk, just enjoy the peaceful time in the great outdoors.

• Meditation — Take some quiet time to relax and think of something that makes you happy or calms you.

• Body Scan— Technique to help the body relax. Start at the outer parts of the body and work inward. Think of your fingers relaxing, hands, wrists, toes, feet, ankles, calves, knees — upward. This is a great tool for all ages and even helps weary and stressed out parents get needed rest.

Thanksgiving themed Mindfulness exercise - Use a real or artificial pumpkin and have each family member (or friends and visitors) write down what they are thankful for. 

No surprise, when looking for mindful tools, look no further than the app stores. Both of these are available on the App Store and Google Play.

• Calm (www.calm.com)  — Relax with Calm, a simple mindfulness meditation app that brings clarity and peace of mind into your life.

• Stop Breathe Think (www.stopbreathethink.org) — Geared towards teens/tweens to learn meditation yet perfect for all ages.

Practice Mindfulness while using social media

• Before you start clicking and scrolling, just breathe. Take a few seconds to take a few deep inhales and a few deep exhales. This helps you calm and center yourself.

• Ask yourself these questions: Why am I going to this site? What do I expect to see/learn? How am I going to react what I see/learn? Am I going to let it get to me? Am I here to stay connected or am I just bored or need a distraction?

• Take a few more deep breaths in and out before engaging

• Ask yourself: how did what you saw make you feel? Happy? Sad? Angry? Jealous? Concerned? Confused?

• Think about how you want to engage with what you saw: Like it, share it, comment on it, do nothing?

• Take a few more deep breaths in and out and then react.

This type of exercise can help one understand how to use social media mindfully. Being aware of emotions can help your kids (and yourself) make better decisions on how to react and how often to use certain social platforms.

For more on practicing mindfulness when scrolling social: 

http://www.mindful.org/before-you-scroll-try-this-social-media-practice/

Parting thoughts

Parenting in the Digital Age is no easy task. If we can use simple techniques for ourselves and for our families to help manage stress and anxiety in everyday living, we will help foster a community of wellness that will perpetuate beyond this generation.

Monitoring kids' social media activity doesn't make you this

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This post originally appeared on @Medium https://goo.gl/QZagXn

If you're raising kids and have ever hoped you handled something the right way or made the right parenting decision, you're not alone. These thoughts might surface multiple times a week, and if you're like me, you realize your magician and troubleshooting skills are rapidly improving as you gain new perspective on the fly about life, your kids, and you.

“Do this” “Don’t do that” “You have to clean your room before you go.” “Let’s go there this weekend.” “Will their parents be home?” “If you see this on the floor, please pick it up!” “You can’t watch that.” “Who’s going with you?” “You can’t drive with friends in the car yet.” “How was your day?” “Want to run here with me?”

We say these things instinctively because we're being ourselves. How we parent and the decisions we make draw from how we were raised, adults we grew up around, things we've learned from other parents -- or plain old experience because we’ve already been there.

Yet, each of us have those moments where we think to ourselves about the parents we are and want to be -- or the parent we don't want to be. Few things bring that more into question than when your kids show interest in using social media or getting mobile devices.

If you’ve ever stressed about any of these questions, there’s no right or wrong. You’ve taken the most important step - you’re an engaged parent thinking about your child’s digital responsibility.

For 17 years, “communicator” has been associated with my career title and responsibilities in some fashion. 10 years into it I got the promotion many people dream about - albeit at home. I added mom to my title. My journey continued as a “working mom,” helping brands understand digital and emerging media, and translating consumer behavior and interests into opportunities. After many years of connecting ideas with companies, and companies with people like you and me, that “promotion to mom” I received (twice, to be exact) handed me a new lens and started to shed a different light on my favorite subject matter -- specifically the dynamics and impact of digital and social media on people. On families. On individuals. So I turned the tables.

Upon coming together with other like-minded parents and business pros at a startup called DijiWise, we took what we knew about business, media -- and parenting, and channeled it into an effort to encourage digital responsibility.

Diving into the topic of digital responsibility with communities of parents, pre-teens, teenagers, and even millennials, I’ve quickly learned people are as opinionated and protective about their views of digital media, social media, and what’s considered “private” as they are about politics and religion. Especially when it comes to the topic of parents wanting to know what their kids are doing on social media.

For some families, checking social media activity is a black and white issue - you do or you don’t, and that’s how it goes. No if, and’s or but’s about the decision (even if the kid doesn’t like it). Some moms and dads don’t stay connected to their kids’ social media activity because they don’t want to be “that type of parent.” Some parents do, because that’s simply part of the ground rules they lay in their house when their child gets a phone or tablet. Others want to - but are worried about being “that type of parent.”

What type of parent is that?

Here are 10 things monitoring your kids’ social media doesn’t make you:

1. An overbearing parent. Whether you’re raising teenagers, pre-teens or grade schoolers, an informed parent who’s in the loop in case your kid needs a little guidance online once in awhile, doesn’t mean you’re overbearing.

2. A control freak. Let’s be honest - even the biggest control freaks among us learned long ago that there are some things you have to let go of or you’ll drive yourself crazy.

3. Old school. Just plain inaccurate because social media wasn’t around when we were growing up. But really, having relationships with your kids is the same as it was growing up, it just looks different these days. Whether you’re chatting face-to-face or staying connected with them online, it’s parenting. (And what’s wrong with old-school!?)

4. A helicopter parent. What this means differs parent to parent, but basically, you know where your kids are, what they’re doing, and aren’t far away - physically or figuratively. But one thing’s for sure - I don’t know many parents who ever think, “Shoot, wish I wasn’t there to help them through that,” or “Boy, too bad I was there to encourage them to do something differently.”

5. Bossy. Well, maybe you have your moments. But, hey. It’s your house. You’re raising kids, not BFFs. It’s okay to be the boss.

6. Untrusting. In fact, the complete opposite. When you give your child a smartphone or tablet, you’re giving them access to the world in the palm of their hand. That’s a big symbol of trust. Like manners at a friend’s house, dance, school or restaurant, digital media and social media are extensions of environments where parents can put faith in how you’ve raised your kids to-date. And just like learning to ride a bike or getting their driver’s license, you’ll always be there to help keep them safe and enjoy the ride.

7. A stalker. Remember keeping a close eye on them during all those trips to the playground? Wondering what friends and parents will be somewhere when you drop them off? Watching their recitals, being there for games, and riding along as they prep for their driver’s test? Ever think you were a stalker then? All good. Don’t worry.

8. Nosy. Sure there may become a time where your kids don’t want your nose into everything they’re doing, everything their friends are posting or every message they get. Teens need privacy. However, setting the stage early - and leading by example -  will help them make better choices about their online behavior. Plus, being in the know helps you start conversations with your kids about their everyday life - something that gets harder to do as they get more involved in other activities and spend more time away from home.

9. Overprotective. In fact, it means you understand how the world works and the good and the bad that can come with digital media. It’s not much different than to wanting to protect our kids from bee stings, broken bones, bad friends or dangerous situations. Staying connected to their social media activity is a bit of parental instinct, and protects your kids while allowing your them to be themselves and possibly trip or fail, and learn from it.

10. Chicken Little. The sky is falling! Everything that could go wrong when your child uses social media has probably crossed your mind, right? Embarrassing themselves, becoming sedentary, meeting a predator, talking to strangers, sexting, seeing something you’re not ready for them to see yet, being on the receiving or giving end of bullying, they’ll never listen to you again...the list is endless. But the sky isn't falling when your kids use social media. In fact, being aware of their activity on social helps you minimize these things from happening - and places you there to act or help when you need to.

What monitoring your kids social media DOES make you is an involved parent who’s connected with their kids in a modern and special way -- one that’s important in this era. It also opens the door to endless opportunities to start conversations.

Let’s look at this from the wisdom of an expert. An experienced police detective once told of how time and time again people tell him they have a gut feeling about things, and most of the times, through evidence (and the reason he’s on the case in the first place), their gut feelings prove to be right.

He went on to explain we have gut feelings and doubt them, when in fact, we should follow them.

The correlation to being a parent and a detective isn’t intentional. That’s not the point. It’s what we do with our gut feelings that is. It’s pretty simple - we should worry less about a label someone might give us for a choice we make, and follow our guts if we think we should do something that’s right for our kids. Staying connected to your kids’ social media activity isn’t complicated, unless we allow it to be.

Your head and heart have gotten you this far as a parent. Let’s keep using them, and your kids - and you - will do great. And what better type of parent is there than that?

Know someone like this? Share this with a spouse, friend or parent you think could use your vote of support, a little encouragement, or a good read to brighten their day.

Start the Conversation: Back to School Social Media Tips for Parents

“Back to School” time can be a crazy and chaotic experience for parents and kids. We spend the better part of two weeks with lists in hand, getting prepared for the Big Day. From shopping for school clothes and making sure skirts and shorts are “finger-tip” length, to trekking to several stores to find the mysterious yellow binder that’s needed for History class, there is no better way to spend the last glorious days of summer than getting ready to go back to school.

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Reflecting on the experience and what it means for families, the first word that comes to mind is NEW. With new clothes, new supplies, new teachers and new school year come new friends, new connections -- and exposure to new mobile apps, new websites and new situations.

Now that the mountains of back to school paperwork are filled out, morning routines are established, and last-minute trips for supplies are complete, take time to start the conversation with your child about digital responsibility. Establish your family rules and develop your game plan. Use these tips as a guideline:

1. Check privacy settings on apps and websites they use. Do it together! As parents, we are always learning, too!

2. Chat about connections. Life is not a popularity contest. Encourage your kids to keep connections to people they know IRL (in real life) and discuss new contacts you see on their “friends” lists you haven't met yet.

3. Discuss being careful about what you share and when you share it. Aside from never sharing personal information like phone number, address or password, cover why it's important they don't don’t share their location. A good rule of thumb is posting “after the fact” - after the party, or as you are leaving a location rather than while you are there.

4. Have a two-way conversation about cyberbullying. These are conversations, not lectures, and we can empower our teens and pre-teens by finding out what they have to say. Ask them what they think about cyberbullying, and discuss how to recognize it, handle it, and not contribute to it. This will let them know it's okay to talk about it at home, and feel more comfortable speaking up to you or a trusted adult or teacher if the see someone harassing another person.

5. Avoid digital drama. Not to be confused with cyberbullying, digital drama is like a tiff or dispute that could happen in real life, that occurs online on often spirals out control in comments, with shares, etc. Common Sense Media has some great tips on how to avoid the drama online. 

6. Remember the Golden Rule. Help them understand digital responsibility applies to all of us - kids and adults. Remind them of the importance and benefit of treating others as they expect to be treated. Be kind online!

technologyrocksseriously.com 

PRESS RELEASE: PARENT ENTREPRENEURS CREATE DIJIWISE APP TO PROMOTE DIGITAL RESPONSIBILITY

DIJIWISE APP GIVES PARENTS NEW WAY TO START CONVERSATIONS WITH TWEENS AND TEENS

DETROIT & ST. LOUIS -- Social media is a mainstay in the life of many 5th grade to high school-age kids, and with that comes the importance of understanding digital responsibility. That’s why a group of parents with technology, digital and media backgrounds have created DijiWise, an easy-to-use mobile app that keeps parents connected with their kids’ social media activity in real-time to inspire conversations about the moments they share online.

While most parents want to be aware of their child’s online world, 40 percent don’t check their child’s social media, and 1/3 know the password to at least one of their child’s social accounts (Pew Research). With social media usage starting as young as pre-teen years, the importance of education about digital responsibility is critical, no matter the age.

“DijiWise is a company with a cause. Digital parenting and helping our kids understand the benefits and challenges of online behavior and social media is a new responsibility parents have,” states the founding team at DijiWise. “Conversations can become a lost art with busy schedules and technology. Our goal in creating this app is to remove the complexity for parents and encourage conversations.”

DijiWise is available for download for iOS and Android. It features a low-cost subscription via In-App purchase for $4.99 per month - peace of mind and parental engagement for the cost of a cup of coffee.

App features:

●      Dashboard view with real-time updates on social media activity that helps parents interpret actions or inactions, stay familiar with kids’ peer groups, and save time by eliminating the need to hop website to website

●      Ability to monitor up to 4 profiles across Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, with more to come

●      Save feature that enables parents to save an activity as a prompt to discuss later

●      Ability to personalize notification settings and activity you’d like to receive notifications for

●      Tips and trends on digital parenting, social media and teens

The company is led by women who have spent their careers in media and technology, including Stacy Kania, Director of Platform & Product Development, and Cindy Kerber Spellman, the company’s VP of Strategy & Community Development. Both moms whose intersecting career and parenting experiences have heightened their awareness of the importance of digital responsibility as their children grow.

“What digital responsibility and social media usage mean family to family may be different, and that’s ok. If we can empower parents and teens to be comfortable with the subject and become more aware of our digital footprints, then we’re making huge strides in responsibly enjoying the great things social media makes possible,” noted Kerber Spellman.

A DijiWise Community

Beyond the app, through outreach and partnerships, DijiWise is committed to encouraging a community of DijiWise families who practice online responsibility. The Parent Central section on the DijiWise website gives parents access to content about digital parenting, tech and digital trends among teens, online safety and more. Parents can also share and read DijiWise Moments.

ABOUT DIJIWISE

DijiWise is an app with a cause. Made for parents, by parents, we’ve created a new way for parents to stay connected to their children and encourage digital responsibility. By providing a real-time view of a child’s social media activity in one simple place, we make it easier to have conversations about the moments kids share. DijiWise is a women-led startup proud to call Detroit and St. Louis home.

Why Justin Bieber Leaving Instagram Matters

Credit: Facebook

Another celebrity has left a social media network, for now.

If you have a Belieber in your house, you likely learned within hours of it happening that singer Justin Bieber deleted his Instagram account. Maybe you saw it in one of your feeds, or quite simply, you just don’t care.

But you should.

Whether or not you take note of what celebrities do, the reason behind Justin Bieber leaving Instagram raises an important issue for parents and teenagers: hate that exists on social media.

If you’d like more on the gossip and the once-private, ex-boyfriend/girlfriend feuds social media gives us front row seats to, a quick Google search will give you the 411 on how Bieber deactivating his Instagram went down.

For the rest of us, here’s the Cliff Notes version:

Justin dated a girl named Selena Gomez. They’re both stars. They broke up. Fast forward to recent posts on Instagram by Justin of him together with a different girl by his side. More than 1 million people liked it and another 44,000+ had something to say about it in the comments -- including a harmony of Bieber followers who took on temporary personas of Internet trolls and voiced preference for ex-girlfriend Selena or hatred that, heaven forbid, he had a new girlfriend. Curious responses when, like most Instagram users, he simply posted a pic of what’s currently happening in his life.

And then it got interesting.

Having enough, Bieber posted a warning that he’d delete his Instagram account if his followers didn’t stop the hate. "I'm gonna make my Instagram private if you guys don't stop the hate this is getting out of hand, if you guys are really fans you wouldn't be so mean to people that I like."

Ex-girlfriend Selena chimed in, saying, “If you can’t handle the hate, then stop posting pictures of your girlfriend lol - it should be special between you two only. Don’t be mad at your fans. They love you. They were there for you before anyone.”

A little public back and forth ensued (as millions munched on popcorn and curiously watched), and just like that - @justinbieber on Instagram said “Sorry, this page isn’t available.” Justin Bieber left Instagram and the company of almost 78 million followers.

Credit: Instagram/The Sun

Why does this small blip on social media matter to parents in the big picture of the rest of the world?

Justin Bieber deleted his Instagram account because of hateful comments. Chances are, kids you know are on the giving or receiving end of criticism at some point, too.

Just because our kids aren’t celebs doesn’t mean they’re immune to criticism on social media. Few, if any of the million plus people who interacted with Bieber’s Instagram post, know him personally enough to have a valid reason to express their support or dissent about who he dates. It’s easy to hit “like” or react to a social post, and even easier to make a comment when you don’t know the person. It's easy to forget that on the opposite side of the screen - the receiving end - is someone who is still a person, no different than the rest of us.

It’s social - it’s quick, we see, we react, we move on. C’est la vie.

A quip to a post might seem harmless, but judging and making irresponsible comments contribute to a chorus of hate and normalizes negative mindsets. Beyond the possibly of being guilty of contributing to it, kids are regularly exposed to negativity on social as much as they are to the positivity. They follow celebs, publishers, sport teams, athletes, brands, friends they know, and people they may not know personally. If teenagers are used to seeing hateful comments on social media, what’s to keep them from becoming desensitized to it and partaking without realizing the impact their comment might have on others - especially their friends?

You might live with an Internet troll - one might even be your kid

That’s impossible, right?! Internet trolls are people who sit alone at their computer in dark rooms and make ugly and hateful comments behind the anonymity of a screen and...pause. This thinking is where we let the problem breed. Before we go into parental denial, let’s do a simple reality check ask ourselves what we’re doing to be sure our kids' activity on social isn't harmful or hurting anyone - are you checking your kids’ social media activity regularly? Are you having conversations with them about digital responsibility, or the good and the bad they see on social media, and the importance of our in-person manners carrying over online?

When kids get access to their first social media accounts, many parents are apprehensive. Why is that? Among many parents and teens I know, it's for reasons just like this. I don’t know the demographics of Justin Bieber’s “Belieber” fan base or social media followers, but intuition tells me it isn’t you or me getting upset the Biebs is seeing someone new. Whether you’re logging into their accounts daily or use apps like DijiWise that make it easy to see their social media activity in one place, having conversations about their everyday lives and online behavior will give you peace of mind that your son or daughter knows better than to be a troll, even if for a moment. In the end they’ll demonstrate responsibility when using Twitter, KIK, Snapchat, Instagram and other social networks.

“If you can’t handle the hate, then stop posting” sends the WRONG message

Did anyone else catch that? When the pop star warned he’d delete his account if the hate didn’t stop, his high-profile ex publicly suggested that if he couldn’t handle the hate, then he shouldn’t post pictures. Words straight from the mouth of an influential 24-year-old woman. It’s worrisome because it suggests that hatred toward another person is the norm on social media. Why is it even acceptable? Not to mention cringing when you see two people engage in a public argument online.

That’s why this saga is a learning moment for our sons and daughters.  When it comes to social, our job as a ‘digital parent’ is helping our pre-teen and teenage kids understand there will be time when they don’t agree with everything someone posts, not everyone will always agree with them either, and how to handle it (or how not to) when it happens.

If only more people did what Justin did. Or Leslie Jones. Or Curt Schilling.

Bieber isn’t the first celebrity to have had enough with ugliness that can brew on social media. Comedian/actress Leslie Jones (Saturday Night Live and Ghostbusters) abandoned Twitter after receiving what she described as racist abuse from Twitter users. Retired MLB player Curt Schilling took a public stance calling out Twitter users who Tweeted vulgar comments about his daughter after he announced the college team she’d be playing for. Everyday people, like you and me, like our sons and daughters, suddenly found themselves suspended from college. Or fired from their job.

We should encourage our kids to not get to the point to the point they feel reliant on a social network and can’t live without it. Having respect for themselves has far greater importance. Imagine if more people - famous or not - draw a line and take similar stances toward hatred on social media. We might see a shift in how companies like Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram or Twitter respond and better protect their users and the integrity of their platform. Even better, on an individual basis, we’d see a positive shift in what our kids deem acceptable from their friends - or of their own behavior.

Parenting in a ‘digital generation’ is different for most of us who didn’t grow up with social media and only started using it in college or in our adulthood. Privacy has new meaning, and we have less control over what our kids are exposed to and where they express themselves. What was once ‘our business’ is made everyone’s business with a simple click.

Social media connects people, including celebrities with their fans, and fans with other fans. In this case, hopefully it will connect parents and teens to start a conversation about hatred and the expectations and implications of our actions online.

Cindy Kerber Spellman (@kerberpr) is the VP of Strategy & Community Development at DijiWise. Her experiences as a parent and leadership background in communications, technology and digital media fuel her inspiration to encourage conversations about digital responsibility.