New Year’s Resolution Series: Having “The Talk” With Your Child About Digital Responsibility

Have you had “the talk” with your child? Not the “birds and the bees” talk...the OTHER talk. In today’s world, there is another looming (and ongoing) conversation that needs to be had with our children about Internet safety and digital responsibility.

As you are making your list of resolutions for 2016, if you are a parent and have not had a discussion with your child about what to do and what NOT to do when they are online, set this task at the top of your resolution list.

We realize that for some, it’s not an easy conversation to start. As parents, we are raising the first all digital generation. While our children don’t remember what life was like before the Internet, Wi-Fi and hoverboards, we do.

Whether your child has received their first personal device with Internet access this holiday season or he or she already uses one, think about this fact:

They have access to the entire world in the palm of their hands.

Before the next time their fingers touch the keypads, here are some tips on how to get the conversation started and actions you can take to keep your kids safe online.

Set up and review the device together

The first step to talking about digital responsibility is setting up the device, learning how it works, and how to keep it safe and secure.

• Security and privacy settings - Walk through each of these areas in the device settings and determine what your child will have access to. Many devices have parental controls so you have the authority to set location services, access to install or purchase apps, or even restrict access to certain websites and age appropriate content.
• Call for help - Device manufacturers have 800 #’s and websites available to help you make the device safe. Many also have online tutorials and videos to simplify the experience.
• Recheck often - Set time aside each month to revisit settings, as they change on devices, apps and social networks frequently.
• TIPS - The Family Online Safety Institute (FOSI) has a great checklist. 

Set boundaries and expectations

• Time limits - How often will your child be using the device and for how long? Setting time limits and usage time frames is a good place to start. On many devices, this can be set in the parental control area of the device settings.  So if you want your child to only use their iPod Touch for up to 2 hours a day between the hours of 3-6pm, that can be done!
• Where they can go online? - Talk to your child about what websites they will be accessing and how they will be using them. Make that a part of your daily conversation. “What are your favorite websites to visit?" "What do you find to be interesting about that site?” These some great conversation starters.
• Who will they be connecting with? - Set your expectations on who they can connect with, and have your child revisit their “friend” list often. Even better, do this together.
• What apps will they be using? - Explore the mobile app marketplace with your child and determine whether apps he or she is interested in are age appropriate or not.
• Have access to all of their account usernames and passwords - If you get resistance from your child on this topic, explain that having access to the Internet is a privilege and it’s your job as a parent to keep them safe. Having access to their accounts is part of the deal (see contract reco below).
• Establish a contract - Having a digital media contract with your child and putting the rules in writing can be helpful. Here are a few samples for your family to use, categorized by age. 

Stay connected

Talk to other parents and their teachers - Using your existing real-life social network can be helpful when raising a child in today’s world. Getting examples and guidance from our own peers is important. We recently published an article on how, as parents, we can strengthen our network to make digital parenting easier.

Stay Informed

There are many great resources online for parents to stay updated about social media and technology. A few of our favorites are:

Family Online Safety Institute: www.fosi.org

National Cyber Security Alliance: www.staysafeonline.org

Empower your child with a plan

Just as in real life, your child may face situations online like bullying, contact from strangers, hurtful words, or event feeling excluded or left out. Have a game plan on how to handle the situation, such as reporting it to a parent/trusted adult, or blocking or deleting the offender. Agree together on what to do if a situation gets out of control. This article from US News has some great resources for teens to use if they are faced with cyberbullying. 

Share real life examples

Use the current news and events as resources for examples of good and bad online behavior. Incorporate these situations into your conversations and discuss why they are good or how a bad situation can be handled.

Catch them doing something good

When you see your child doing something positive online, be sure to praise them for it!

Schedule Downtime

Setting time aside to unplug is important for everyone, especially families. Here’s a recent DijiWise article with some great ideas for unplugged family time. 

Monitor- Get the DijiWise App!

Would you allow your toddler to venture out alone at the local park? Of course not! We realized the importance of monitoring our children while they are on the “Internet playground," so we created the DijiWise app. Here’s our story.

The last thing kids want is to be lectured, so by kicking off the new year by keeping the conversations open and ongoing, you can stay connected with your children as they evolve to be responsible digital citizens.  

We would love to hear from you about your experience raising your children in the digital age. Tweet to us @DijiWise.

Here are some DijiWise Moments parents have shared about using the DijiWise app. Click on the link to learn more and to share your DijiWise Moments with us!

Strengthening Your Network To Make Digital Parenting Easier: 6 Must Have Groups

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If you’re a parent with a pre-teen or teenager using social media, one thing is a must: you have to be social. In the best interest of our children, it’s not optional, it’s an evolved parenting requirement. This doesn’t mean that as parents we must be active on social media, but active and involved with the people and the touch points in your teenager’s life.

In the age of digital parenting, your network matters when your kids are on social networks. Similar to your personal or professional life, who you connect with regularly from a parenting perspective will help in many ways. Whether it’s being aware and comfortable with who your teen is connected to online, being in the know about happenings in and around school, or just having that gut feeling that something’s amiss, having a strong network will help you stay informed and respond in ways that benefit and support your child as he or she becomes more independent.

Here are six must have groups parents should have in their real-life social network:

Your Child’s Friends

This is the most important group of people to have in your network as a parent. Think back to when you were a child and the parents who were active at school, present at parties or welcoming you in their home. Being visible, knowing your child’s friends’ names and talking to them about interests and things going on in their lives not only creates a welcoming, nurturing environment, but it helps you keep a pulse on who your child is hanging out with and the influences in their lives. It also helps establish respect and accountability when they’re in your home or out with your child. And should you ever need to address a situation, be there for one of their friends or come together as a group in unity, these relationships will be golden - not just in their teenage years, but for many years to come. (Imagine the adult years ahead when those friends are suddenly ‘friending’ you on social media!)
 

Parents Of Your Child’s Friends

There’s no better second set of eyes and ears that can protect the well-being and happiness of your children than the parents of their friends. Introducing yourselves to other parents helps you get an understanding of the environments your child is in when they’re not at home, and provides other parents with a level of comfort and trust when their child is with you or your son or daughter. There are also situations or things you may not know about that other parents can pick up on when they’re talking to their teenager, shuttling them around in the car or overhearing them when they’re all together as a group. This is where having parents in your network has its greatest value.

And as for ourselves, let’s face it - in our adulthood, friendships form at different rates and are sometimes accelerated by having things in common such as our children’s activities and sports. We may not be destined to be friends with everyone, nor have the time; however, even if you simply remain acquaintances, knowing the adults in your teenagers friends’ lives and proactively keeping in touch with them time to time will give you peace of mind or help you know when you need to step in.
 

Teachers, Coaches, Principals and Counselors

A mother recently shared a story with her father about how grateful she was for her first grader’s teacher and how the teacher addressed a need and creatively empowered her daughter. Being a dad for more than 40 years, he had this to say: “Being visible at school, knowing the staff, and them knowing you, really has its benefits in how your child does at school.” And he’s right.

Most educators in the middle school and high school settings are tuned in to things going on at school and among students. Many of them will also have a pulse on the social perspective of technologies and social media students, in general, are using. When a coach, teacher or other faculty know your child and see you present, they have the sense of an involved parent, and there’s a stronger personal connection that can be helpful when your child’s in a sea of 30 to 500 other students. When your network is strong with relationships at your child’s school - even if they’re simply on a name and face-recognition basis, you’ll find yourself with an expanded support system. This group will be filled with adults who are aware and can identify and support your child’s high points, or notice a change that suggests something isn’t right, such as online bullying, peer pressure or the rumor mill. Collectively, this group will have a powerful impact on opening new doors, having performance conversations, or sometimes, addressing consequences.
 

Activity Leaders and Volunteer Coordinators

Similar to faculty at your child’s school, the people in charge of leading your child’s youth group, volunteer experiences, robotics team or any organized activity are important to have in your network. This group differentiates itself in that often times these individuals span vastly in experience and also age range - from your child’s peer set to adult. The individual might be volunteer or paid employee, and different than school staff, they’re in that role with the sole purpose of guiding and overseeing whatever that subject matter or experience is. By keeping in touch with these leaders, you’ll have a sense of their involvement, personality and leadership style. You’ll be able to gauge how present and involved you’ll have to be, and can drum up conversations about peer-to-peer interactions, how things went on retreats, group trips, practices, and other events. This will help you keep a pulse on things that might be shared on social media, who your child is interacting with, and things that could positively or negatively be impacting your child.
 

Your Friends & Family

This is probably the closest network to you and the best one to use to your advantage. Sometime’s we can be so close to a situation that we may not realize something happening in front of us. Chances are you have friends or family that are also experiencing the milestones you are or who have handled relatable situations you can learn from and chat about together. Let’s not forget, too, that this group of people can be a walking library of information for you, with knowledge or opinions about trends, apps or social networks your teenager might be using. There’s great appreciation for the aunt who sees their nephew post something on social media and either pings him and pats him on the back or suggests he heed some caution, or the cousin who surprises relatives by accidentally making it known at a family gathering that another cousin has an account on the same app or social network that she uses. These are real-life moments and a network that can make parenting easier in meaningful, simple ways.
 

Your Child’s Place of Work

This group might often be overlooked, but if your child has a summer job, babysits, cuts grass or is working during the school year, then this is an important group to have in your parenting network. Does this mean you have to be friends with your teenager’s boss? No. Should you be familiar with where he or she is working, and possibly even visible once in awhile? It can’t hurt. (A restaurant, theater or shops are great examples.) Interactions at work can turn into new contacts on chat apps and social media that parents should be aware of. Whether it’s an employer or people in your community that your child does tasks for, being tuned in to this environment has its benefits. You’ll have a sense of coworkers and strangers he or she has exposure to, and a supervisor might appreciate knowing their reliable employee is supported by engaged parents. You’ll also be able to identify red flags, and have more understanding and connected conversations with your child.

If there’s one thing we learn as parents, especially when it comes to online safety and keeping an eye out for online bullying, inappropriate conversations or peer pressure: we can do it all alone, or accept the help of an army.

Why Social Network Privacy Policy Updates Should Matter To Parents

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Last week’s Internet frenzy about Snapchat’s updated privacy policy really wasn’t about Snapchat. It was about a movement of consumers -- parents and teenagers, like you, me, and our children -- caring more about privacy policies and how our personal information is stored and used. It was also about the fog that lingers when it comes to understanding what they mean.

The reality is, privacy policies are important to digital parenting, especially now. Our tweens and teens are still maturing and growing, and as apps and social networks pop up and quickly trend, it is our responsibility to help them navigate and watch out for their well-being. Just like we would when they start to date or learn to drive a car.

“It was about a movement of consumers — parents and teenagers, like you, me, and our children — caring more about privacy policies and how our personal information is stored and used.”

ICYMI, the video and photo-sharing app Snapchat updated its Privacy Policy and Terms of Service. It was an attempt by the company, in part, to make its privacy policy more understandable in language familiar to us and to its 100 million users. The company is also maturing, so understandably, it is bound to update its privacy policy and terms of service at multiple points to support its evolving offerings and growth. (Parents, we highly recommend reading up on it.)

The social network makes it possible to capture and share ‘live moments.” It is most known and trusted by teenagers for its appealing main feature: content is deleted from Snapchat’s servers after it has been shared and viewed or expired. That comfort quickly came into question as Snapchat’s updated privacy policy detailed scenarios in which content or data is used across the app’s different features. The phrases “in many cases,” “in most cases” and other language about ownership, content usage and license caused concern and confusion about whether content is actually deleted and how a person’s activity on Snapchat is used. Like many social networks before it who have updated their privacy policies, Snapchat quickly turned around and issued a statement to further explain what it meant with its updates.

Let’s step back and acknowledge for a moment two things:

1. Privacy policies are in place a) to clear a legal pathway for a company to conduct its desired business, and b) to help the user of a service understand how their information is being used. Policy language doesn’t have to be foreign and confusing, but it often is. Why? Because it’s an attempt to explain the legal language, how the business works and how it impacts us as their customer. Regardless of how it is worded, its context is something most parents and teenagers simply aren’t familiar with.
    
2. Do we care? Yes -- and then no. By nature, we find something we like and we want it to work when we use it. Life is good, and that’s what we care about. We care a little more when something suddenly emerges that affects us personally, and after that understanding sinks in or confusion fades away, we’re back to square one - we have something we like and we’re happily using it.

As parents we can’t be everywhere and know everything, but when it comes to guiding and protecting our children, regardless of age, the fine print in digital media should - and does - matter.

Here’s why:

• Understanding app and social media privacy policies and terms of service help you differentiate between perceived understanding of how something works or is used, and actual reality. Is your child’s profile visible to just friends or to the public? Is location information shared? Being equipped with this information helps you to have an informed conversation with your children about the pros and cons of what they’re using, and guidelines and expectations, if necessary.

• Updates to privacy policies and terms of service can impact a user’s privacy settings in an app or on a social network. Privacy settings are important as it’s one way companies give you control over how some information is shared or used. Therefore, it’s important to remind your child regularly to update or check their privacy settings -- or do it with them.
   
• How an app or social network works and uses your teenager’s content via features or functions can have a secondary-effect on your child. These environments are more than forums for expression or keeping in touch with friends. Often times by the sharing of content, capturing of screen grabs and access to strangers or public audiences, digital media usage can create situations or come with subtle nuances that impact your child’s daily life - confidence, feeling accepted, bullying, breaking of trust, embarrassment, feeling left out, and more. Staying on top of privacy policies and terms of service helps make you an aware parent who can watch for the effects of how your child’s activity is impacting them personally and among their peers. (For a powerful example, see this article from Yahoo Parenting of a teenage Instagram star’s wake-up call and first-hand account.)
   
• Innovation happens fast, which means privacy policies and terms of services can change quickly, too. This doesn’t mean new features, monetization or usage of information were never a part of a company’s vision, but digital media and technology continue to make new ways of communicating and behaving possible. So don’t be surprised when you hear about updates from established or emerging companies. Instead, take it as a cue to pay attention and see if and how your child might be affected.

“As parents we can’t be everywhere and know everything, but when it comes to guiding and protecting our children, regardless of age, the fine print in digital media should - and does - matter.”

So while you might treat social media and digital media privacy policies similarly to the prospectuses you receive annually about the funds in your investment portfolio, or the privacy updates you get in the mail about your credit card (quick read, if at all, and toss), as parents we have a greater responsibility to understand where our kids are spending time, even if it’s virtual, and to discuss and decide, like everything else, where our comfort levels fall and where our expectations stand.

To get a head start on understanding the policies of a handful of apps and social networks popular with kids, check out this list.

Scary Parenting Moments: Turn Them into Accomplishments

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We came across a hilarious Halloween sign this week that said “You can’t scare me, I have teenagers,” and reflected on how this tongue-in-cheek quote held some truth. From your baby’s first step to your teenager’s first drive, there are many moments that stand out for a parent. Along the way, there will be unexpected first scares as well especially by the time the teenage years roll in. Preparing for some of those situations, like the first time your kids stay home alone or have to go into surgery, can turn a potential scare into a momentous accomplishment to celebrate.   

Leaving them home alone

Once your kids are ready to stay home alone, set up some guidelines and make sure they have emergency contact numbers. Try running some small errands at first to make sure they’re comfortable the first few times.

More tips here from Child Welfare Information Gateway

Going on their first date

Your teen’s first date can be a nerve-wracking experience, for both you and your kid! Have honest conversations with them about when they can date and your different expectations. Before they leave the house, agree on the guidelines and a curfew time for peace-of-mind.

More tips here from Family Life

Take the driving test

Seeing your teen behind the wheel for the first time can be momentous. Prepare them beforehand and lead by example. Explain traffic signals and rules to them when you are driving and when you switch off, stay calm when you’re in the passenger seat.

More tips here from Teen Driving

Cooking in the kitchen

Teaching your kids how to cook and making a meal together can be a great bonding experience! Share safety tips with them first like how to handle knives and turn on stoves, and then pick a fun recipe to make together.

More tips here from Raising Children

Getting surgery

Going under for surgery can be a scary thing for anyone, but if your kids are especially afraid, help prepare them for the big day. Let them know what to expect from the surgery and make up a fun game to play at the hospital.

More tips here from Hand in Hand Parenting

We know that at times, parenting can be scary. Let our DijiWise app take the scare out of social media and help you monitor your kids. Sign up to be notified when DijiWise is available for download!

Our Kids Want Their Privacy: How Generation Z is reevaluating social media

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At DijiWise, we believe in the importance of having open conversations with our kids to better understand where they’re coming from and to give them support as they become more and more independent. As parents, it can be difficult for us to let go because we’d like to believe that we know best but our kids can surprise us. This week, we came across the Teen Vogue article Why Some of Social Media's Biggest Stars Are Deleting Their Accounts — and Maybe You Should, Too, which speaks directly to Generation Z, kids ages 2 to 19. It details the decisions of celebrity role models, like Lena Dunham and Jaden Smith, to ditch direct interactions with social media because of toxic online environments and the desire to connect with people in real life.

Referring to the New York Times’ article Move Over, Millennials, Here Comes Generation Z, Teen Vogue notes that wanting more privacy is a big reason for disconnecting from social media. “‘As far as privacy, they are aware of their personal brand, and have seen older Gen Y-ers screw up by posting too openly,’ Dan Gould, a trend consultant at an advertising agency, told The Times.” Our kids are young enough to observe how older generations have used it as a powerful channel for both positive and negative interactions and learn from those mistakes. While the rest of us figure out ways to incorporate and balance out social media in our lives, our kids have the interesting task of figuring out when to remove it as a generation that has always had social media.

“As far as privacy, they are aware of their personal brand, and have seen older Gen Y-ers screw up by posting too openly.”

— Dan Gould

As parents, it’s enlightening to see Teen Vogue continue a dialogue around privacy and online behavior that kids may already be having with themselves and one another. In many instances, they will take the lead in handling situations that don’t feel right. Of course there can be missteps, which is why we need to be supportive in guiding them and establishing a trusting relationship, but our kids are attuned with how social media plays into their lives. And they will become an even larger factor in how the digital space evolves.